YOU ARE WORTH IT

Ever feel as if you aren’t good enough?? That no matter what you do or say it never seems to be enough? Well, that is how I have felt for the majority of my life. When something goes wrong, I tend to blame myself. My head seems to think, “I don’t deserve anything good.” When people tell me they love me or give me compliments I have a tendency to believe that they aren’t being truthful. I don’t believe them because I realize I don’t know how to love myself.

There is no way you can accept someone’s love, and distribute it and genuinely mean it, if you don’t love yourself first. To put it in a different perspective; If I don’t have money, I don’t have money to give you. So, if I don’t have any love for myself, how can I give any to you too?

But you know… I AM WORTH IT! YOU ARE WORTH IT! WE ALL ARE WORTH IT. I’ve had a few life lessons that have taught me this:

The identity of my worth, my respect, my value should never be controlled if others see that in me or not. The harsh reality of it is, people do come and go out of our lives. You cannot base your happiness in someone/something else or give them control over your life. Because if you do lose that person, you lose everything you worked hard for. The only way to protect yourself is to determine your self value, and to understand your worth and to begin the process of loving yourself first!

Recognize who you are as a person, regardless if people see that or not. You should be able to say to someone “Yes I love you, I care for you, and I will give you the world, REGARDLESS of whether you are able to return it, understand it, or accept it.” Because that person, not being able to return that to you, should not dictate how you feel about yourself.

Sometimes, I seek validation, which keeps me in a crappy situation for longer. I feel I need validation in my life from others because I’m a people pleaser. But, I have to know what I’m worth and my value; I know it’s not dependent on whether someone sees that or not. If someone does NOT see what you are worth, then they are NOT worthy of YOU.

There are people who are going hurt you, disrespect you, and make you feel worthless. The only thing that’s going to keep you sane in that moment of doubting yourself, is understanding that you are NOT defined by whether or not they see YOUR worth; whatever it is you want to be worth. At the end of the day the only person who can tell you your worth is YOU.

You are worth it. You are valuable. You should love yourself. By treating yourself with love and respect you will be able to treat others around you the same way and be able to accept the love you deserve.

We accept the love that we THINK we deserve. If we think that we deserve a love that doesn’t love us back, that doesn’t respect us, that doesn’t value us and we are choosing that love; THEN you think you’re worth that much. BUT if you look at someone and tell them… “this is what I’m worth, this is how I deserve to be treated, this is what I see for myself”. Then you will get treated the way you want to be treated in life.

A few ways that have helped me learn to love myself is:

  • Stop comparing
  • Speak kindly to myself
  • Know my strengths
  • Do more of what I love

Since we are all different I encourage you to find something that helps you love yourself. You are worth it, so go out and show it!!!

One Year of Reflection

eunice

Designed by: Samantha Yates

How has a year gone by already?

That’s right, it’s been a year since I made the decision to move from Missouri to Florida. I have learned so much about myself in a year of reflection and grown tremendously as a person. Most people know that I moved so I could be closer to my family, but that’s only half of the reason. I also made the choice to move so I could figure my life out. And what I mean by that was my depression and anxiety were getting the best of me. I’m not exaggerating when I say I was at the lowest point in my life last year.

I’ve always been an anxious person, especially with certain situations. But last year I began starting to realize how bad my depression and anxiety really was. This is when you really can’t judge someone because the happiest person can actually be really sad inside, and that person was me. Now if you know me or have ever met me, I don’t look like someone who would be depressed. Keyword being “look”. That’s probably because I can do a pretty good job of holding my feelings in and acting like everything is okay. The problem with that is I can burst at anytime. I can’t exactly pin point where my anxiety has come from. I’ve lived a pretty good and normal life yet sometimes I hate it, I’m so sad that I don’t want to be here.

This doesn’t mean I’m never been a happy person, because I definitely have. I continue to try to get back to that point in my life where I was the happiest. Like everyone else I can have my good days and my bad days. But sometimes those bad days are extremely bad and even unexpected. It can be a little difficult for me to explain my anxiety because no one will understand exactly what I’m trying to say. I can’t control when I have an anxiety attack, it just happens. There have been times where I didn’t go out or go places my friends invited me because my anxiety got in the way. I’ve made up excuses like I’m sick or I have to work when really it was my anxiety. I wasn’t choosing to stay in because I hated going out or that I hated being around my friends. I chose to stay in because I would be afraid that I would panic. The feelings of still wanting to go would be there because I would have FOMO (fear of missing out) when I saw everyone having fun, but anxiety just got the best of me.

There have been a handful of times where I have harmed myself. Where I have thought I’m not good enough, I’m done; I don’t want to be here. I’m not proud of the things I’ve done because of my depression but what I am proud of is that I got the help I needed. Before, I was scared to talk about my anxiety and depression because I thought it made me sound crazy. But I realized there is nothing wrong with admitting there is a problem. As I’ve seen and read articles, I learned that we do need to break the stigma of mental health. Educate yourself and put the word out there that everything will be okay. Talk about it, ask for the help you need and don’t be ashamed. As long as you believe there is a solution, everything will be all right. Life is truly a journey and will have ups and downs. It’s the way you handle it and yourself that will get you through it and make you a stronger person.

As I’ve said before, there was a point in my life were I was genuinely happy and everything in my life was unbelievably good. During this time I prayed to God a lot, I thanked God for everything I had, I wrote in my journal as if I were talking to God. So trying to find myself and my way back to that point, I did a lot of praying to God again… I guess more like questioning. As more bad things were happening, I didn’t know if He was really listening. “Why me?” But instead of asking “why God why me?” I then took a second and looked from a different perspective. I began to think “why not me?” God chose me to be in this situation and to live this life. He believes that I would be strong enough to conquer all my worries and fears.

God chose me because he saw my strength to be able to withstand what I was going through. He didn’t just pick me to go through these struggles so I can go through it and say whatever, give up or go back to the bad ways. He picked me so I could lean on him and pass what I have learned on to others that may be struggling or going through a same situation as me. Whatever situation you may be in or whatever hardships you are struggling with, know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have those moments when I get overwhelmed and think I want to throw the towel in and call it quits. But we can’t live like that! We can’t live feeling sorry for ourselves or dwelling on the past. So know that whether your situation is amazing, terrible, horrible, or heartbreaking that God chose you! If you have faith that everything you are going through happens for a reason then you will come out a million times stronger!

Though I miss everyone and everything in Missouri, I’m 100% pleased with the decision I made. Even though I didn’t realize it then, all the things that I went through happen for a reason and it’s lead me here today.