One Second Everyday | 2017

I wanted to document a 1 second video clip every single day for one year! I started January 1st and ended on December 31st. It was definitely a challenge to keep up with some of the days but I DID IT. I love being able to take pictures and videos of amazing things or even just simple boring things that happen in my life.

I’m sharing this a little later than I wanted to but here it is! I wasn’t going to keep the original audio but I thought I would keep it raw then later decide to add a little background music to it so enjoy! I can’t wait to see what this next year brings for me because after doing this video I’ll be doing another one (:

Run, Rooney, Run!

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There hasn’t been a day this past week where I haven’t cried.

I haven’t felt this anxious in quiet sometime which scared me. Just when I think I’m in a good place in my life the doubts, the fears, and the insecurities, that come along with my anxiety come back. My mind never seems to rest, and is always full of different thoughts.

Knowing that there are people out there in this world that are going through something way more difficult than me, makes me stop and breathe for just a second. In that second I think, my problems are so petty. However, every person has a story and every person has a reason to have bad days. It’s okay to be mad, it’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to be frustrated. Deal with those bad days knowing that you will get through it!

In no way do I post this or any of my other post for you to feel sorry for me. Sometimes I shutdown, close myself off, and pretend to be happy. I won’t talk about it to others. So instead of holding it all in, writing about how I feel is just one of my healthy and positive outlets to deal with my bad days.

I hate running. I dread running. I have to really prep myself to go for a run, let alone a long run! For those days when I’m anxious, mad, or don’t want to talk to anyone about what I’m feeling, running helps me get out of my head. I’m feeling great by the end of it, with no regrets that I started to go for that run in the first place.  I’m not a runner by any means yet I found this to be another healthy outlet for me. Not only does Rooney help a lot but a good running playlist usually distracts me from it as well!

This is my current running playlist that get me through my runs! It is always changing just because I don’t like hearing the same songs every single time. Have a run and have a listen! Enjoy!



 

 

Feel Like A Million Bucks

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Do you ever think sometimes you neglect to take care of yourself? Or maybe you don’t even notice that you don’t take the time to pamper yourself? It’s okay! We all do it! With the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives we all seem to get caught up in it, thus more often than not we tend to forget about ourselves.

As I was talking to one of my close friends we got to chatting and she had bought some face masks. Now I do a cheeky face mask quiet often as part of my skin care routine but she was so excited! For once she was going to be able to do a little at home pampering session for herself. Then it dawned on us that sometimes you just have to do those little things for yourself.

No matter how big or small it is, self-care is not selfish! You cannot serve others when you are drained. Self-care isn’t optional it’s essential. So do that face mask, drink that glass of wine, buy that puppy! Okay… maybe really think about buying a puppy first but you get what I mean. Do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good!

Become a priority in your life.
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These are 31 things I like to do for myself. Try some out and you might even feel like a million bucks after!

  1. Go for a walk in nature.
  2. Buy some plants.
  3. Take a bubble bath.
  4. Listen to music.
  5. Get your hair done.
  6. Drink a green smoothie.
  7. Declutter your space.
  8. Read a good book.
  9. Go to bed early.
  10. Paint, draw, sketch, write.
  11. Have a cup of coffee at a coffee shop.
  12. Do a facemask.
  13. Sing in the car. LOUD.
  14. Binge watch your favorite tv series.
  15. Go on a road trip.
  16. Exercise.
  17. Moisturize your skin.
  18. Eat ice cream.
  19. Take a deep breath.
  20. Dance.
  21. Splurge on comfy bedding.
  22. Hug your dog.
  23. Unplug from social media.
  24. Go to a farmers market.
  25. Make a goals list.
  26. Spend time in the sun.
  27. Take photos.
  28. Get a massage.
  29. Burn your favorite candle.
  30. Drink wine.
  31. Slow down and be present.

MO vacation MO food

A vacation to the midwest is probably not the top travel spot someone would pick for the start of summer but it just so happen to be mine. If you ever find yourself in this neck of the woods I like to call home, the 417, Springvegas, or better known as Springfield, Missouri and get hungry you should try out these local places!

ANDY’S FROZEN CUSTARD 

The best frozen custard you will have! From a simple cone to a concrete that has all the toppings you can imagine, Andy’s has something for everyone! The first thing I did when I got into Springfield was get Andy’s. Being without it for a year I got it as much as I could for the two weeks I was in town. If you are an Andy’s lover like me you might ask how did you go that long without it?! I do not know!!! Because I kid you not I crave Andy’s every other day! #BringAndystoFlorida

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BLACK SHEEP BURGERS & SHAKES

Juicy flavorful burgers and well seasoned fries is exactly what Black Sheep has to offer. BUT that’s not even the best part. They have milkshakes!!! And not just any kind of milkshakes but alcoholic milkshakes!! Which are also made from Andy’s Frozen Custard. It’s a win win all around!

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DRUFF’S

Fancy grill cheese is how I associate with Druff’s. A simple menu is all you need sometimes! Great lunch spot even better Happy Hour spot!!

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THE GOLDEN GIRL RUM CLUB

Drinks! Drinks! Drinks! This is the place to get drinks with the girls. If you also want a bite to eat they have a few things you can choose from the menu. I was so hungry that I didn’t even get to take a photo of the rice bowl I got but the tacos my friends got looked just as tasty! From the food to the drinks this place is filled with flavor! But be careful when it comes to the drinks, one too many Hurricanes could cause a hurricane headache the next morning!

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SPRINGFIELD BREWING COMPANY

Good food, good beer, come here!

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ST. MICHAEL’S

If you make your way to St. Michael’s whether it be for lunch or dinner, make sure you get a slice of the banana cake! It’s scrumptious and just the thing you need to satisfy your sweet tooth!

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PINEAPPLE WHIP

A good simple refreshing treat that won’t fill you up too much after the large meal you had before. My go to place on a hot summer day but be ready for it to melt on your hands in a matter of seconds if you get a cone! There is the original flavor which is pineapple or depending on the location, there is a second flavor that is available (strawberry-kiwi, grape, or mango-peach) and you can get the swirl. I’m more of an original type of girl but depending on the flavor I might go for a swirl that day!

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Photo from: RPM

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YOU ARE WORTH IT

Ever feel as if you aren’t good enough?? That no matter what you do or say it never seems to be enough? Well, that is how I have felt for the majority of my life. When something goes wrong, I tend to blame myself. My head seems to think, “I don’t deserve anything good.” When people tell me they love me or give me compliments I have a tendency to believe that they aren’t being truthful. I don’t believe them because I realize I don’t know how to love myself.

There is no way you can accept someone’s love, and distribute it and genuinely mean it, if you don’t love yourself first. To put it in a different perspective; If I don’t have money, I don’t have money to give you. So, if I don’t have any love for myself, how can I give any to you too?

But you know… I AM WORTH IT! YOU ARE WORTH IT! WE ALL ARE WORTH IT. I’ve had a few life lessons that have taught me this:

The identity of my worth, my respect, my value should never be controlled if others see that in me or not. The harsh reality of it is, people do come and go out of our lives. You cannot base your happiness in someone/something else or give them control over your life. Because if you do lose that person, you lose everything you worked hard for. The only way to protect yourself is to determine your self value, and to understand your worth and to begin the process of loving yourself first!

Recognize who you are as a person, regardless if people see that or not. You should be able to say to someone “Yes I love you, I care for you, and I will give you the world, REGARDLESS of whether you are able to return it, understand it, or accept it.” Because that person, not being able to return that to you, should not dictate how you feel about yourself.

Sometimes, I seek validation, which keeps me in a crappy situation for longer. I feel I need validation in my life from others because I’m a people pleaser. But, I have to know what I’m worth and my value; I know it’s not dependent on whether someone sees that or not. If someone does NOT see what you are worth, then they are NOT worthy of YOU.

There are people who are going hurt you, disrespect you, and make you feel worthless. The only thing that’s going to keep you sane in that moment of doubting yourself, is understanding that you are NOT defined by whether or not they see YOUR worth; whatever it is you want to be worth. At the end of the day the only person who can tell you your worth is YOU.

You are worth it. You are valuable. You should love yourself. By treating yourself with love and respect you will be able to treat others around you the same way and be able to accept the love you deserve.

We accept the love that we THINK we deserve. If we think that we deserve a love that doesn’t love us back, that doesn’t respect us, that doesn’t value us and we are choosing that love; THEN you think you’re worth that much. BUT if you look at someone and tell them… “this is what I’m worth, this is how I deserve to be treated, this is what I see for myself”. Then you will get treated the way you want to be treated in life.

A few ways that have helped me learn to love myself is:

  • Stop comparing
  • Speak kindly to myself
  • Know my strengths
  • Do more of what I love

Since we are all different I encourage you to find something that helps you love yourself. You are worth it, so go out and show it!!!

Book Worm

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By the title of this you probably think that I am a book expert. I wouldn’t quite put myself in that category though. When it comes to reading I am either reading a ton or reading none at all.

One of my goals for this year and for life in general is to read more. Not just a certain genre or topic but anything and everything. I always love when people suggest books to me! So each month I’ll try and post my book of the month.

For this month I have a few! They are on the smaller size but they each have a lot of meaning to them.

 

The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz is one of the most inspiring self-help books I’ve read. It not only talks about your relationship with others but with your relationship with yourself. I couldn’t put it down the first time I read it! The second time I read it I went through and highlighted my favorite parts or important messages that would I thought were significant or pertain to my life.

 

This next book looks a little worn out and that’s because it is! When I was younger I use to keep all my books perfect. I didn’t like when the pages were bent, I would avoid making creases in the spine of the book, and I never understood why people wrote in them. Needless to say I do all those things now! I learned breaking the spine of the books, folding the corner pages down, writing in them adds character. It shows you use your books and put effort into reading them. The more worn out they are the more you read and enjoyed the book. I can’t exactly pin point the exact moment I learned or where I even heard this but I’m glad it stuck!

A Heart for the World written by Megan Haller is an incredible read. I don’t want to give any spoilers away but what I loved about this book was her positivity and her faith in The Lord. Reading her experiences and accomplishments would give me chills and get me teary eyed … But then again I can be a very emotional person! Anyway give this one a read you will be inspired! Great author great human being!

 

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur was recommended by a friend. I wasn’t sure about this one but I became curious when I read an excerpt I had found online. When I first started it I was completely confused but I was encouraged to keep reading and I’m glad I did! It touched my soul (I also may or may not have shed a few tears here and there). This was so beautifully written I could not recommend this book enough!

Please recommend any good reads!!

One Year of Reflection

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Designed by: Samantha Yates

How has a year gone by already?

That’s right, it’s been a year since I made the decision to move from Missouri to Florida. I have learned so much about myself in a year of reflection and grown tremendously as a person. Most people know that I moved so I could be closer to my family, but that’s only half of the reason. I also made the choice to move so I could figure my life out. And what I mean by that was my depression and anxiety were getting the best of me. I’m not exaggerating when I say I was at the lowest point in my life last year.

I’ve always been an anxious person, especially with certain situations. But last year I began starting to realize how bad my depression and anxiety really was. This is when you really can’t judge someone because the happiest person can actually be really sad inside, and that person was me. Now if you know me or have ever met me, I don’t look like someone who would be depressed. Keyword being “look”. That’s probably because I can do a pretty good job of holding my feelings in and acting like everything is okay. The problem with that is I can burst at anytime. I can’t exactly pin point where my anxiety has come from. I’ve lived a pretty good and normal life yet sometimes I hate it, I’m so sad that I don’t want to be here.

This doesn’t mean I’m never been a happy person, because I definitely have. I continue to try to get back to that point in my life where I was the happiest. Like everyone else I can have my good days and my bad days. But sometimes those bad days are extremely bad and even unexpected. It can be a little difficult for me to explain my anxiety because no one will understand exactly what I’m trying to say. I can’t control when I have an anxiety attack, it just happens. There have been times where I didn’t go out or go places my friends invited me because my anxiety got in the way. I’ve made up excuses like I’m sick or I have to work when really it was my anxiety. I wasn’t choosing to stay in because I hated going out or that I hated being around my friends. I chose to stay in because I would be afraid that I would panic. The feelings of still wanting to go would be there because I would have FOMO (fear of missing out) when I saw everyone having fun, but anxiety just got the best of me.

There have been a handful of times where I have harmed myself. Where I have thought I’m not good enough, I’m done; I don’t want to be here. I’m not proud of the things I’ve done because of my depression but what I am proud of is that I got the help I needed. Before, I was scared to talk about my anxiety and depression because I thought it made me sound crazy. But I realized there is nothing wrong with admitting there is a problem. As I’ve seen and read articles, I learned that we do need to break the stigma of mental health. Educate yourself and put the word out there that everything will be okay. Talk about it, ask for the help you need and don’t be ashamed. As long as you believe there is a solution, everything will be all right. Life is truly a journey and will have ups and downs. It’s the way you handle it and yourself that will get you through it and make you a stronger person.

As I’ve said before, there was a point in my life were I was genuinely happy and everything in my life was unbelievably good. During this time I prayed to God a lot, I thanked God for everything I had, I wrote in my journal as if I were talking to God. So trying to find myself and my way back to that point, I did a lot of praying to God again… I guess more like questioning. As more bad things were happening, I didn’t know if He was really listening. “Why me?” But instead of asking “why God why me?” I then took a second and looked from a different perspective. I began to think “why not me?” God chose me to be in this situation and to live this life. He believes that I would be strong enough to conquer all my worries and fears.

God chose me because he saw my strength to be able to withstand what I was going through. He didn’t just pick me to go through these struggles so I can go through it and say whatever, give up or go back to the bad ways. He picked me so I could lean on him and pass what I have learned on to others that may be struggling or going through a same situation as me. Whatever situation you may be in or whatever hardships you are struggling with, know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have those moments when I get overwhelmed and think I want to throw the towel in and call it quits. But we can’t live like that! We can’t live feeling sorry for ourselves or dwelling on the past. So know that whether your situation is amazing, terrible, horrible, or heartbreaking that God chose you! If you have faith that everything you are going through happens for a reason then you will come out a million times stronger!

Though I miss everyone and everything in Missouri, I’m 100% pleased with the decision I made. Even though I didn’t realize it then, all the things that I went through happen for a reason and it’s lead me here today.

Something to Celebrate 

Usually I post on Sunday’s but today is a special day. Today marks the one year anniversary from when my dad had heart surgery. I didn’t even realize that it was on St. Patrick’s Day last year but then again I wasn’t really aware of a lot of things last year. Since my dad was on dialysis, he was in the process of getting on the kidney transplant list. But because he had to have heart surgery he was unable to actually be put on the list.

Now that it has been a year since his heart surgery, the cardiologist said his heart has been able to get stronger and he can go back to getting on the kidney transplant list. Which makes me happy to hear because dialysis can take a lot out of my dad on some days and it makes it hard for our family to travel anywhere.

Of course it’s not that simple. After getting on the waiting list it takes about 3 to 5 years for a person to get a kidney. Which is very discouraging to hear because who wants to wait that long for a loved one to be healthy again. But then again it all could be worse. Because of my dad having to get heart surgery that set him back a year of being on the list. I could be angry about that (which I have been) but what’s being angry going to do? Absolutely nothing.

All I know is that today my family and I celebrated a year of my dad’s life. Which could have gone a different way but it didn’t! Even though a lot of things have changed and my dad can’t do a lot of the thing he use to be able to, he’s still the guy that smiles so big you can’t even see his eye and laugh at his own corny jokes. I’m so incredibly thankful he is still here!!

| The more you celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate | -Oprah Winfrey

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Change Is Everything

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Designed by: Sam Yates

Change is something that happens in our lives daily some of those are bad some are quite good. I’ve come to realize that in the past I didn’t do so well with change especially the big kind. I hate it so much that I fear it but I can’t stop it from coming. I know that nothing in life ever stays the same and that change can be a good thing. Sometimes change is everything.

There has been a lot of change that has happen in my life these past two years and I’ll be the first to admit I couldn’t handle it. Of course I thought I could. First it started off with little things like finding out that because I transferred schools I was going to have an extra semester or even an extra year of school. Yes, I understood that it’s a common thing but in my head I always had a plan on when I wanted to graduate and what I wanted to do after I graduated. Being set back changed my plans and I felt like I wasn’t in control. It took me awhile before I could finally accept it.

While I was able to transfer schools my family had the opportunity to move to Florida, which has been a dream for my parents since I was in the 3rd grade. Even though I was young I knew what I wanted. After starting 3rd grade in a new school trying to make new friends I knew I didn’t want to have to start that process all over again. So my parents put their plans on hold for me. Which I am forever grateful for, because if it weren’t for them making a tiny sacrifice I wouldn’t have the amazing friends and experiences that I’ve had to this day. When the day finally came everything just worked out the way it should, I was transferring schools and my family was moving states. It was okay for me this time around because I thought, if I’m away from home anyway because of school and doing my own thing, there is no point in holding my parents back. I can’t speak for my brother and sister but I don’t think they minded as much as I did when I was younger.

And while all of this was going on my dad was in and out of the hospital we weren’t sure what was going on but we then later found out his kidneys weren’t working the way they should. So he eventually got put on dialysis. If you don’t know what that is Google it…Or the straightforward version is since my dad’s kidneys don’t work the way they should he has to be hooked up onto a machine to help his kidney function properly. Winter was also really harsh for my dad’s body, his oxygen levels would get really low to the point where he couldn’t breathe. So moving to a warmer place was better for him in everyway. This is the part in my life were all the change that was happening was scary yet I knew that is was positive and I was genuinely happy for not only my family but for me as well. Nothing stays the same for too long though.

Sometimes you have to go through some bad crap to make you a stronger person. So this part is always really difficult for me to write about. It’s one of the reasons I’ve put off this post. Honestly this was one of the hardest changes I’ve gone through by far. Let’s just say it sucked so much. DISCLAIMER: I’m not sharing this part of my life because I want people to feel sorry for me. If anything that is the last thing I want. I don’t like to talk about personal things for that reason. I absolutely don’t need or want any pity from anyone. All I want is to share what I’ve gone through and what I’ve felt for those that are maybe feeling alone and are going through somewhat the same thing.

A new year bring new changes, 2015 did just that for me. It is always hard to see any person sick. For me it was my dad. He was going through dialysis, which was going well for him. Sometimes it took a lot out of him, he had his good days and his bad. My dad was out of the hospital for a while and just took life day by day. I would get updates from my family while they were in Florida and I was at school. But one day I got a call from my mom saying my dad had to go to the emergency room. Without her having to tell me I knew it was bad but she said not to worry, that it was only pneumonia. In the pit of my stomach I knew it was more than that so of course all I did was worry. It was ten times harder for me since my parents weren’t just a couple hours away.

With my dad being in the hospital for weeks I felt sad and helpless all the time. And if you really know me you would know how much my dad means to me. So anytime I would talk about my dad at all, I would get so sad that I wanted to cry. Or if I did talk about what was happening I would only say a few things then when I got home or was by myself I would cry, like hardcore ugly crying. There was even a time I almost started crying at work because I saw a little girl sitting around her dad’s shoulders. Seeing that gave me flashbacks of my childhood with my dad and all the fun things we did which made me miss him so much more. I was an emotional wreck but I tried so hard to make it seem like I was okay, to be the happy positive person everyone knows. Though my mind is always racing with different thoughts, adding something like this made me feel like I wasn’t truly living life and being fully there in the moments.

One day my mom called me with an update and she told me my dad was having some blockage in his heart and would need quadruple bypass surgery. Even though I didn’t know what that all entailed, in that moment is when I lost it. She hadn’t even given me all the details yet but all I could think were the worst possible things. I held in my tears while I was on the phone but you could hear in my voice that I was on the verge of bawling my eyes out. She then told me that he wouldn’t be able to have surgery until his pneumonia was gone. With my dad’s health record, who knew when that would be? I hated that we had to wait.

After finding that out my outlook on life was completely different, not as positive as it was. I absolutely hated, dreaded, eyes rolling back when people told me, “Everything is going to be okay.” I had that mindset of nothing in life is guaranteed so don’t give me some false hope and I usually didn’t think that way. I would usually find some positive in the situation but I just couldn’t do that this time. Since I didn’t know what would happen all I could do was think and only think about the negatives. What if my dad’s surgery goes wrong? What would I do if I loose him? I’m not ready. And so much more was racing in my head.

I never thought something like this would affect me so much. I didn’t know my eyes could produce so many tears the way they did. I had a lot of sleepless nights and started turning to things I probably shouldn’t have when I was sad. Finally the day of my dad’s surgery came. The night before I wanted so badly to be able to see him so I asked if I could FaceTime him since that was the closest thing I could get. Talking to him didn’t make it any easier for me it made me more scared. I just wanted it to be the next day so I could hear my mom telling me it all went well. Even though I questioned God a lot through all of it. I prayed before I went to bed. My mom called me after my dad’s surgery and said he made it and that he is now resting.

I was relieved, more than relieved that my dad was okay. But after having experience all that, emotionally I became a different person. I lost faith in everything. I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. Not just because of what was happening with my dad but my actions and so many other things happening in my life at the time which some of those are another story, another lesson, for another day. But one of those things I did realize was I didn’t know what I wanted my career to be anymore. What I thought I wanted wasn’t really what I wanted; it was what my parents wanted for me. And I thought at the end of the day was that going to make me happy? I was really lost, didn’t really care about school, and started slacking off more. I was into the second semester of junior year and didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life while a lot of my friends knew what they wanted. In every way possible I just didn’t know anymore. I was stuck in a rut thinking, “I can’t wait till 10 years later in my life when I have everything together.” I wanted to be able to fast-forward life and get back to the person I used to be.

I knew I couldn’t fast-forward life but I could make a choice. So I made the choice to move to Florida to be closer to my family and to a start fresh. I didn’t want to leave my friends and the life I had in Missouri. But I had to take a chance on something new especially if I wanted anything to change and get out of my rut I was in. And here I am today better than I was a year ago. It’s all about how you look at life, though I lost my way I think I’m slowing finding my way back. If you made it this far, here’s my advice…

If life isn’t going the way you want, do something about it. Don’t just think eventually it will happen because sometimes it doesn’t. Why act tomorrow when today could be the day. Live now and not later. Life waits for no one so make the choice, to take the chance, if you want anything in life to change.